Biocentrism:
nature does not exist simply to be used or consumed by humans, but that humans are simply one species amongst many, and that because we are part of an ecosystem, any actions which negatively affect the living systems of which we are a part, adversely affect us as well, whether or not we maintain a biocentric worldview. Biocentrists believe that all species have inherent value, and that humans are not "superior" in a moral or ethical sense. (wikipedia)

“The world must live. We are only one species among billions. The gods don't love us any more than they love spiders or bears or whales or water lilies.”
― Daniel Quinn

Walk Quietly

"our lifelong nostalgia, our longing to be reunited with something in the universe from which we now feel cut off, to be on the inside of some door which we have always seen from outside, is no mere neurotic fancy, but the truest index of our real situation. C.S. Lewis

I had a bean once

And it rippled in the people like the breath of a new birth.

So he raised his hands into the air, palms aimed slightly projecting out and also slightly toward each other.

I had a baby once. I saw it. It was a bean. I loved my little bean. I wish I could have watched it grow. How do you define courage anyways? I can think of a million things that I could be scared of if I tried.

off into the night they rode. what were you waiting for? In these arms I am free. Let me squeeze you closer. I swear we can get closer. Dances in the dark. dancer in the dark. dark. dark room. place. for people.

If I write it down then nobody will hear me.

journal 9

we are brought up in the same community thus we have have some of the same understandings and ways to go about things. The wealthy do not have the same cultural context as the poor. Nor do they have much of the same language. Having more money means a better education and more opportunities. The vocabulary of a wealthy person can be more geared towards WHEN something will happen, because they will have the ability and the means to make something change. Where as a person living within the lower income bracket, their dialogue may be centered around how or if something will ever happen. Hope is a common theme. But hope can really bean an enslaving being itself. Looking foward to a possibility that may never happen. Accepting things the way they are for now so that a miracle might happen later. My friend Sarah Told me this story a while ago:

“A man has been locked in a basement. One thing that keeps him going is the hope that someone will come and save him. So he sits there with his head down going hungry and thirsty for days. Finally one day he breaks, he realizes that no one is coming to save him. He becomes hopeless. Within that hopelessness he realizes he has nothing to loose. So he becomes empowered to break out of the basement, because he has nothing to lose anymore except for not trying. So he tries his hardest to break free and escape, if his capture comes and tries to kill him on his way out it wouldn’t make much of a difference from him dying in the shackles he thinks. So he tries to escape, creates a new hope.”

Will our world need to become completely hopeless in order for real paradigm shift in everyone to occur?

Capitalism. We are brought up with it being the only way. The way it is. Represented by symbols. Money as a symbol for human time and worth. Giant buildings as abstractions, dollars creating invisible dollars on Wall St. I remember the moment I realized that the world wasn’t what it was cracked up to be that. I had read 1984 and started listing to Radioheads’ Hail to the Theif album all at the same time and it hit me. My frustrations with my life are a part of something bigger, that it wasn’t me. That I was feeling something real, that my depression and self loath wasn’t my fault but rather I was feeling the emotional temperature of the world. Depressed and discouraged. Some people don’t understand why there is so much more suicide, why people are on anti-depressants and anxiety pills. But in taking a step back it is quite clear and obvious, that the human race is sick as a whole.
In church we learn that the basis for a healthy life is a healthy foundation, such as God. In society as a whole our foundation should be our government, but that is cracked and unstable and uneven as we have built our goverment on an abstract symbol, money. Much if it in Wall St. not even actually existing.
On Social Justice. In the of Luke in the story of Lazarus it speak of a man who is so hungry that he would be grateful for the crumbs off of a rich mans table. Oscar Wilde expands and tells us to reject this idea saying, 'Why should they be grateful for the crumbs that fall from the rich man's table? They should be seated at the board, and they are beginning to know it.' He suggests socialism as an answer also saying that Socialism may mean the end of marriage and family life, since relationships will become more free and open. It will also mean the end of crime since criminals 'are merely what ordinary, respectable, commonplace people would be if they had not got enough to eat.' Under socialism machines will do all the drudgery, leaving people free to live fulfilled lives.

Social Structures and world views. Continuing on the idea of the unstable structure of the government, I would like to add that much of our country is based on christian values. Capitalism is as it says based on achieving capital gain. Without stern restrictions and limitations to this, the abstract symbol of worth will become greedy and far bigger than us. IT already has become huge, we are controlled by this inflated faceless persons that we have collectively created and accepted and in our government receives a vote much larger than us. The common notion is that the world is F’d up but no one knows who or where to report to because it is this abstraction of something real that we are fighting that has this control over us. In our society CHARITY is viewed as one of the greatest forms of altruism. However, this is not true altruism as there is some personal gain and indirect benefits For example the Devos’s get a lot of support and appreciation for all of their Charitable donations, but in the end at the bottom weather intentionally or not (i happen to think intentionally) this is just another mask for personal gain, in the way of social status, and social support. “they can do this because the gave this.” But if I were to give the same percentage of my earnings and time to charity I would not barely be recognized for it. Politicians and persons attached to corporate names will often try to attend as many of those events as they can, but it is the trend that they only show up long enough to get a photo in. Often times not participating in the dialogue to create real change. This does not speak for everyone and all businesses but I do speak for a majority that I have had experience with and it’s all starting to come together, their actions with their intentions and each day I am further disturbed by the world we have created for ourselves today.

How I learned nothing in school!!!

External Goals. These are deeply rooted into our upbringing. Sitting down with parents the conversation wasn’t “what did you learn today” it was “what grade did you get on it.” In grade school we spent weeks of our educational time preparing for the MEAP where we here educated on to fill in bubbles and doing our ‘best’ on a test because the state needed to know who deserved the most money. The state would take head counts and the money for a school district would be based on who actually showed up. What about no child left behind. Shouldn’t we be putting forth twice the effort to pull that kid out of ‘non-existence’ according to the states financial assistance.

I remember our teachers even saying that they didn’t much care for the MEAP time and all this stuff. It was beyond our understanding. We were thrown into the system with thoughts that it would hold us close and keep us safe like our parents did. But into middle school and high school I became very confused and didn’t feel very much cared for. I didn’t understand what I was going through. A form of PTSD as a result of constant mental abuse from the system. The routine beatings of information that I in turn spent all of my time rejecting. The non-consensual information prodding, penetrating, and lacerating my once vulnerable and once open minds; Forming a thick scab over all of my sensory receptors. I became numb and attached myself to any flashy electrical impulse I could get off to. The pressure was unbearable at times, this is a large reason why I escaped. I went traveling, my best friend chose heroin. We both just needed some perspective, to understand what the heck had just happened to us for the first 18 years of our lives. Like Helen Keller I feel like a world was pressing into me that I didn’t understand or know how to interact with or even if I wanted to, so all I could do was scream and slash out from a bitter internal rage that I didn’t understand.

This is how society teaches kids to kill themselves, to use drugs, to watch porn and the punish them for seeking out the last thing that gave them any sensation at all. This is how sociopaths are created. In the united states individuality is the ultimate, a competition. If no one is around to pat your head here... you feel like shit. No one is connecting with you unless you are constantly advertising yourself here.

communicating

“We are closer in life that we think we are.” I think this is true, I believe that we are all interconnected that we all have these things buried deep down. Those lines on the faces of old people that we don’t really understand that we slowly begin to recognize in ourselves as we get older.

Looking at templates. Growing up I had little encouragement from my family or anyone to go to school. But I spent my time out of high school observing people. Happy people, sad people, wholesome people, lost people, all types of people. I try to identify what it is that makes them that way and what makes me this way. The people I have found to admire the most are the people who are curious, who want to keep learning.

“the only thing constant about the human condition is that the human condition is constantly changing.” Each moment, each thing has an imprint on my life. I am not the same person as I was yesterday or even five minutes ago. I am a porous being. I am constantly receiving information from various directions of various types. In sound, in sight, in smell, in taste, etc. All changing who we are. Often times unnoticeable on a small scale but on a large scale, looking back I have changed so much from a year ago, and even a month ago.

Suspending

Stick and Stones

:-)

When you visit my house the morning after a party, even a few days after a party one will notice a variety of foot steps stomped around on [sand colored] tile, the grout between the tiles topped with a lay of spills and dirt. Pistachio shells and [red splats] of last nights chocolate covered strawberries. The stench of [cigarrets] that had risen up through the worn hardwood from the basement that attached itself to the dust and the walls and into the weavings of the long dog hair laced curtain giving us some privacy from our neighbors through the sliding glass door [smooched with] months of dog nose waiting for someone to go home or fallowing a squirrel sifting through the collection of things on our back deck. A dog lay between my legs under my chair at our dining room table sleeping in from being kept up until the last of the party fell to sleep. A collection of shoes at the door. My French press set beside the computer helping to focus me LIKE an oil lamp guiding one through a cave, sharing is aroma of [mint and lavender] with the air along with the [stale beer and old cigarette] smell. The counter is [scattered with crumbles of peanut shells and crumbs] from late night snacks. Brandon wearing [yesterdays lucky shirt] and his guitar [lounge] in the living room serenading me between episodes of dexter. [Empty] beer bottles in strange places such as the light chandelier above me. A cat [nestled] on some [‘lost and found’] sweater on a table in the corner next to a stack of magazines including a [colorful] collection of natiol geographic, penthouse, and ultimate guitar. A few [stray purple] streamers hang from various high places LIKE rope left tied to a high branch from last year’s tire swing.

I've really been revisiting the past lately. In a very positive way.

I feel as though I am finally developing a few old rolls of film that

I've kept in the back of my drawer; that I've kept forgetting to deal with.

Synthesizing . Making sense of it all.

Walt Whitman has been very enlightening to me lately

Song of the Open Road

1

Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.

Henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune,
Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,
Done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms,
Strong and content I travel the open road.

The earth, that is sufficient,
I do not want the constellations any nearer,
I know they are very well where they are,
I know they suffice for those who belong to them.

(Still here I carry my old delicious burdens,
I carry them, men and women, I carry them with me wherever I go,
I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them,
I am fill'd with them, and I will fill them in return.)

“That we find a crystal or a poppy beautiful means that we are less alone, that we are more deeply inserted into existence than the course of a single life would lead us to believe.” John Berger (English Painter)

Two years ago I lived in Raleigh, North Carolina.

I spent most of my time working and distracting myself.

One thing I would do before and sometimes after work

was stop by the Cameron Village Library.

In the library, on the second floor, there was a fishbowl

of poems. I would take one each time on my way out.

And for a long period of time I truly found each poem

very applicable to my day and life at the time. As if they

were deliberately handpicked for me.

Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, Walt Whitman, Alduous Huxley, etc

Sometimes those were the only things getting me through my day there.

I created such a dull position for myself at the time.

But that is what I asked for, it's what I wanted.

It was all good to experience.

Anyways... I visited around New Years this year

so I stopped by the library. Poems still sit on the long wooden

desk on the second floor. Even the same persons at the desk, everything the same

except the mention of not seeing me for a while.

It is weird working in a place where people cycle through

revolving door like. Developing a sort of a unspoken relationship.

More dependable than most other relationships. And (almost) always pleasant.

Be it for the reason that one of the parties is being paid to be pleasant with you

or that they simply desired to be.

Anyways... what I was getting to was that I picked out

another poem and I found it quite perfect at the time.

Crossing The Bar

by Lord Alfred Tennyson

Sunset and evening star,

And one clear call for me!

And may there be no moaning of the bar,

when I put out to sea,

But suck a tide as moving seems asleep,

too full for sound and foam,

When that which drew from out the boundless deep

Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,

And after that the dark!

And may there be no sadness of farewell,

When I embark;

For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place

The flood may bear me far,

I hope to see my Pilot face to face

When I have crost the bar.

Thankyou sir lord a.t.

What separates us from children? What is that spark that seems to permeate us in our youth and vanishes as we grow? Is it reclaimable?

Children are so impulsive. What keeps me from acting on my emotions?

Why do I do this to myself? I am scared to lose.

What have I got to lose?

Everything is so real.

Island Unleashed:

Little Pine Island

You've been a bad girl, go to my room

I think I've lost it... I... I've... Lost it all

Where have you last seen it?

Have you tried retracing your footsteps?

"...

And Jesus was a sailor

When he walked upon the water

And he spent a long time watching

From his lonely wooden tower

And when he knew for certain

Only drowning men could see him

He said "All men will be sailors then

Until the sea shall free them"

But he himself was broken

Long before the sky would open

Forsaken, almost human

He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone

And you want to travel with him

And you want to travel blind

And you think maybe you'll trust him

For he's touched your perfect body with his mind.

..."

Suzanne, Leonard Cohen

The modern world, society, is a large clumsy man smoking a cigarette with his belly pouring out of the bottom of his grease stained shirt. His teeth have rotted out but he just can’t stop eating. His brain is conducting like from within Plato’s cave. With no real grasp for what reality is outside of it, while the rest of the body is expected cooperate with its’ every command. If not one is thought to be easily replaced. A clone can be easily made to look just like the last. This rarely happens, scared of the consequences and the unknown is enough to keep that heart palpating at 87 beats per minute. That is only until its coronary artery seizes to let the blood pass due to the careless inconsiderate diet decisions of the brain. The brain, master of society, pops a colorful combination of uppers, downers, and mood stabilizers chased with a sugary slush red # 5. These slowly eat away at the liver. The brain, society’s commander does not understand the importance of taking care of one’s self. The brain, thus society (the man) as a whole is self destructive due to its naivety and lack of care for oneself. The question will be formed from that which finally kills the man in the end.

Grand Rapids

In the last breath.

Life after the 'Big Bang'

( )

Foraging my mind

to reacquaint myself

With those things I've loved

that I've left buried under the snow

a sheet of white

of pure

Synchronicity

begins as happenstance

becomes

a way of life.

a sense of deliberation.

maybe this is the right place

the right time

always?

sometimes, at the least

New Years Day

This fence closes in the playground of an elementary school.

The end of the road.

[just the beginning]

Now What?