Explaining ourselves to death

"... explanations are unavoidable; we are constantly explaining - that unexplainable complex of being and feeling and explaining ourselves; life itself demands explanations for us, as do our surroundings and finally as we do, demanding explanations from ourselves until, finally, we manage to minimize everything around us, ourselves included - that is to say, explaining ourselves to death. Thus I expound to the philosopher with that disgusting (to me) and yet irrepressible urge to speak, that which always seizes me when I have nothing to say, the urge, I suspect, which lies at the root of my habit of giving far to generous tips in restaurants, to cab drivers, to driving officials or semi-official representatives, and the like; it almost might have something to do with my politeness, exaggerated to the point of self denial.. as if I were continually apologizing for my existence, for this existence." -Imre Kertesz, "Kaddish for a Child Not Born"

I read this novel a few years ago, bought it randomly in New York. It's about a guy who survives the Holocaust and his psychology and life after going through such a thing. How his PTSD as a result keeps him from feeling a part of society, keeps him from love. He "explains to a friend that he cannot bring a child into the world where the Holocaust occurred and could occur again."

Explaining ourselves to death. We can rationalize anything with explanations. I also find that often times things can lose their beauty when explained. Now after Botany I have a hard time looking at a tree without thinking of the flow of the sap and the meaning and scientific words for its parts. Something lost something gained though. There is something really mechanical about thinking of a tree (or anything) in science.

Born seeking explanations because the world doesn't make sense. So we the unsure make definitive explanations for the earth. Making explanations for me and my existence as if knowing better than I do. Their mere ability to explain set to shape me, but I have my own eyes, and ears. I know now to question the hardest those who claim to have the answers, the users of big words, the over-explainers. It's a lot more work paddling up stream.